Adoring Mr Glover.
Such has been the script of my life - my partnerships and love affairs all entirely and exclusively homosexual and my adoration and celebrity obsessions - all entirely and exclusively hetero.
Read MoreRotten Rice On The Right Side.
My body is rebelling. The right side particularly. It’s as if, at some point in my early twenties, someone drew a line vertically down my middle and labelled the right side ‘trash.’
While I’ve hardly treated my body as any sort of temple, it’s not as if I’ve neglected it either. Sure, I’ve eaten a pig’s tail off the floor of the pub and I’ll admit that not all of the hair attached to it was my own…
Read MoreCulinary Everests.
For my dad, who taught me how to cook.
I’ve always been a good cook. When I was small, Dad taught me scrambled eggs in the microwave. I had a stool to reach the buttons and a special fork just for whisking.
Read MoreThe Weekend's Remnants.
When tasked with writing an opinion piece, the most important thing to do is to have an opinion. Lucky for me, I have plenty of opinions. Opine I do, and opine I do well.
It was Mardi Gras season this year when my most recent opinion came to me. I opened the newspaper and was faced with a full-page ad by quantifiably non-gay job-seek company Indeed.
It read, in rainbow lettering:
A job search without Indeed is like Mardi Gras without a party…
Read MoreReplacing Your Gorilla Suit.
My friend Elise has ruined massages for me.
After uni, because I had done a degree in Creative Writing, I got a job at a Natural Therapies College that I used to refer to as ‘Hogwarts’. The students studied homeopathy, naturopathy, beauty and massage. I worked in the cafe where we sold dandelion lattes. I got my eyebrows waxed for free because they “needed practice on boys.”
Read MoreBaccomatto.
Braddles wanted to try the new place in town.
We’d both just lost our jobs, as so often happens in the industry. Restaurants open and close - no biggie…
Read MoreDays Like This.
On Day One of my side hustle marking English exams for the HSC, I learned that the marking centre doubles as the horse pavilion when the Easter Show is on. It’s also a music venue, among other things. I felt somewhat slighted to discover a loose covering of hay over the concrete floors. Not to mention the salt lick hanging from my desk…
Read MoreYou’ll Laugh At Anything.
I was in the office, kicking an empty Reflex box from the floor and into the side of Lydia’s head when I heard someone mutter that same phrase that people seem compelled to say to me.
“You’ll laugh at anything.”
Read MoreDiamond Scissors.
I got my first short haircut at 15. In that moment, I had also inadvertently signed up for a lifetime of awkward moments in salons and barbershops.
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